That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
