Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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