Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
