Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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