you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
