tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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