she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
