I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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