Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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