Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
