Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
