You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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