If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
