I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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