I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
