He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
