ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
