Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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