We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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