I just pynch a tree in the face
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
