he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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