so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
