too bad you live with your parents still
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
