I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
