Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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