And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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