I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
