Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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