i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
