i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
