sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
