Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
