and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
