its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
