So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
