My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
