I think I died a long time ago.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
