I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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