I'm lost and stupid without you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
