I faked an abortion last night.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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