There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
