$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
