I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
