Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
