I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
