Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
