you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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