It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
