the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
