I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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