two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
