I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
