pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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