Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You ruined the universe
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
