I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
