After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
