I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
