So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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