Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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