Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
