What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
