I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
